Are You Not Entertained??

You would think that with all my big money talk and the excuse of cash to explain such a debauched job, I'd quickly have my computer up and running again- but it's worse than I thought. It seems the more I continue to help men cheat on their wives over their lunch breaks, the worse my karma gets; the most recent backlash of my behavior is the absolute breakdown of my new laptop. Warrantee you ask? Well I may be in a bad place right now, but I'm not an idiot. Of course I had a warrantee, and of course Karma found a way around that.

But I'm not here to vent about THAT...

I was tempted to go in and adjust the dates to create a number of entrees from the past few weeks as if I never stopped, but that just seems lame and deceiving. While I may protect myself somewhat with name changes, unfortunately I'm not lying about this stuff- so why lie about the frequency of my blogging? Instead I'm going to give you some short, succinct, entertaining stories from my older strip club day diaries. Here goes, in no particular order:

*I used to work where one of the strippers was a well-known porn star. She never told me or any of the other female service workers outright, but it wasn't a secret in the club. Every time she made a new DVD she would bring in multiple copies and hand them out to the male staff- even the guys in the kitchen. The last one they showed me had something to do with 'triple penetration'. It took me a minute, but I got it.

*One of the best impressions of an entertainer I've seen during Stripper Charades (a game the staff played when it was slow where we imitated the dancers), was by a waitress who acted out the routine of a girl with extra long hair. The give-away move was when she pretended to catch the ends of her hair between her butt cheeks and then run her hands through the strands after. We all wondered how sanitary it was for her to swing her locks around as she danced in the dining room after this signature move. Did she ever get a dingleberry on someone's steak?

*I knew a shot girl who used to be a stripper. Rather than take her clothes off and grind on the clients, she decided to sit on their laps, press her barely covered breasts in their faces and poor alcohol down their throats. She legally changed her name to Moet Productions.

*A couple years ago there was an older dancer who decided she could confide in me and started telling me about how depressed she was about getting old. It got to the point where she would come to the bar and start crying and calling herself ugly pretty regularly. That was a pain in the ass to deal with when I was busy. Damn my conscious! 

*Once a stripper told me that her regular hustle was to tell the clients that if they take her to a room she'll give them a blow job. Then, once they're in there and everything is paid, she plays it off like she's too scared she'll get caught.  However, she admitted to 'finishing' the 'big customers'... and by 'big' I mean rich, of course.

*I always wondered why if there is supposedly no touching during the lap dances, how come we had a regular customer who was blind?