Hall 'O Weenies

Halloween's approaching, and it reminds me of Halloweens spent with my father at his Goodwill shows. Pop's band would perform for the mentally disabled population of our home town at their annual party in the Goodwill housing. He'd do it free of charge, but, in truth, he was paid with something  other than good karma. We got a video.

Some people are a little shocked when I tell this story. Like there is something disrespectful about being entertained by retarded people. Yeah I said it. The fact is that my family has always been very involved in their communities, all aspects- the elderly, the homeless, the handicapped, and whoever else may need a hand. It's not surprising to find a silent, unrelated, Lithuanian, straight-off-the-boat import sitting in the corner of my grandmother's house at holiday gatherings. We're good people in the grand scheme of things. We just happen to be good people who look for a good laugh in the face of the challenging and often unfunny. My cousin, for example, is a middle school special ed teacher and I'll be damned if her stories of unabashed behavior from pubescent, mentally ill teenagers she tells aren't hysterical. She deserves to be funny with all that she does and cleans up for such little pay!

Anyway, I'm done defending my father's behavior. Moving right along.

Like I was saying: Pop would videotape "the show" at the Goodwill downtown, and to our personal, later-viewing delight his camera would catch a lot of entertaining moments from the ecstatic, mentally challenged audience members. In one classic moment an older gentleman dressed in a vampire costume straight out of a CVS was invited up by my father so he could live his dream and play a triangle to his favorite Elvis Presley song. With a vacant look in his eye, the man swayed back and forth on the balls of his feet, monotonously rapping on the instrument while repeating "hound dog, time, hound dog, time" subsequently adding a shiny coat of saliva to the microphone Pop set him up with. It was possibly the best day of the man's life, and we got a good giggle. Situation win-win!

So what does this have to do with the strip club? The costumes, for one. In the middle of the show, during a musical break, a psychologically sound woman took over the stage to announce the winners of the costume contest. She then went on to call up large groups to collect paper certificates. In the end, every Goodwill resident managed to win due to the general lack of creativity and the organizers' determination to include everyone. True, strip club owners and managers don't care about whether people's feelings are hurt, but the whole lack of creativity part along with the contestants' inability to control their behavior entirely- eerily familiar!

"And the winner of the funniest costume..... ALL THE CLOWNS!" And after the chaos eased, "Winner of the scariest costume... ALL THE GHOSTS!!!" I even remember one of the categories requested that all those dressed as a Disney character should pass by the stage. 

Replace the clowns, ghosts, and Disney characters with cops, nurses, and dominatrix and you've got yourself a stripper's Halloween party.